Stefano Ciccone, Maschile Plurale
What do you think is the greatest misunderstanding men have about gender equality?
First of all, thinking that it is an exclusively female issue, when in fact it concerns everyone, without distinction. Secondly, perceiving gender equality as a threat, as a mere takeover of space by women. As men, we should start understanding that questioning stereotypical roles is an opportunity to free ourselves from many of the constraints imposed by our position of power and privilege.
How does patriarchal culture harm men as well?
Patriarchal culture deeply affects men, forcing us to conform to a traditional role associated with power and privilege. This role, based on the idea of self-sufficiency and the suppression of emotions, limits men’s individual and relational freedom. Male sociality therefore develops under the weight of competition and conformism. Parenthood is also affected: the father’s role is reduced to that of a distant, feared authority figure with little emotional involvement. Freeing ourselves from these constraints does not mean losing something, but gaining authenticity, relationships and wellbeing. It is a process that concerns everyone, not only women.
In a world where change is already happening, what is it that truly frightens many men?
The cultural shift we are experiencing opens new possibilities for men as well. Women have begun to question models that were long considered natural: models of motherhood and fatherhood that can no longer confine femininity to the maternal or masculinity to paternal authority. Women have claimed their sexuality, autonomy and freedom in society. This transformation has enriched male sexuality, which was often experienced in the past as detached from relationships. It has made men’s lives less lonely. And yet, this is precisely what frightens many men. Too often, society has been imagined as a pie: if women gain a slice, men lose one. But that is not the case. The change produced by women also opens new spaces for men to rethink their lives in a different way.
How can a real dialogue between women and men be created — one that is not defensive or competitive, but generative?
Creating an authentic dialogue between women and men does not mean granting something, nor passively accepting women’s demands. It means building a space for exchange that does not reduce conflict — legitimate and necessary — to a gender war. The conflict expressed by women is not an attack; it is an opportunity to redefine together roles, relationships and the very meaning of social coexistence. If we want to question the patriarchal role of men within the family, women must also be willing to relinquish the idea of maternal indispensability. We need to acknowledge the possibility of a dialogue in which our reciprocal gazes can challenge our reciprocal certainties.
In your book Essere maschi. Tra potere e libertà, you describe a path of profound questioning of male identity. Can you explain how the theme of power can become a limitation for men?
The book stems from an in-depth process of collecting thoughts and experiences. The experience of Maschile Plurale, from which it takes shape, dates back to the 1980s, but remained underground for a long time. When we began our journey, reflection on male violence was almost absent from public debate. Only in the 2000s did it begin to gain visibility, though often in instrumental ways. After a period in which women asserted themselves as a cultural and political subject, the narrative around violence ended up placing them once again in a position of fragility. We tried to shift the perspective: violence does not speak about women’s weakness, but about men’s responsibility. It questions us men, our culture, our way of thinking about sexuality. This book is an attempt to go beyond merely assuming responsibility. The title clearly indicates the problem: today, as men, we face a crossroads. We can continue to defend patriarchal power, treating it as an identity marker, or we can choose to let it go in order to gain a measure of freedom.
In many of your talks, you speak about the importance of finding new words to describe men’s experiences. What role does language play in transforming male identity?
Language plays a fundamental role. We need to create new words capable of interpreting the suffering, discomfort and disorientation that many men experience during this transformation. Words that can give shape to a male desire to inhabit the world differently. An emblematic example is fatherhood. We lack a vocabulary that recognizes and values a loving, present, responsible father. We still refer to him dismissively as a “mammo.” This linguistic void reflects a cultural void. In telling the story of change, we have celebrated women who achieve fulfillment in work and politics. But what do we tell a 12-year-old boy? We must tell him he can still dream of becoming an astronaut without giving up the intimacy he may one day want with his child. Without giving up his emotions. Language must be able to convey this. It must build a narrative that gives voice to a different way of being a man. As long as we fail to change the symbolic meaning assigned to male and female attitudes — as long as we think assertiveness is masculine and empathy is feminine — we will not truly be able to describe change.
How can men take responsibility in the face of gender-based violence?
Taking responsibility, for a man, does not mean merely acknowledging that male violence is a problem. It means understanding that such violence arises within a shared universe: an imaginary made of emotions, ideas about love, sexuality, bodies. A universe in which rationality and authority are associated with masculinity, while emotionality and vulnerability are associated with femininity. It is within this culture that violence takes shape. We must tell boys a different story: stop thinking that violence is a problem of “others,” of monsters, that it does not concern “good men.” Violence is not only an extreme act — it is a system of thought, a way of looking, desiring and relating. And it concerns all of us.
In corporate settings, inclusion and gender equality are often discussed in terms of rules and procedures. How important is it to intervene on culture and language within organizations?
We cannot think that organizational innovation is limited to defining procedures and protocols. If we do not change the very criteria by which we evaluate authority, we risk perpetuating unequal models. If we continue to think that the model of professionalism is based on assertiveness, competitiveness and individualism, we exclude other fundamental skills: empathy, teamwork, mediation. Professional and leadership models are not neutral — they are deeply intertwined with gender models. This is why we cannot create D&I policies without transforming organizational culture. Otherwise, the risk is to hide differences behind a supposedly neutral idea of professionalism or to reinforce stereotypical gendered attitudes in the workplace. What is needed is deep work on organizational culture, to make it genuinely inclusive, fair and capable of valuing all subjectivities.