Figli di nessuno: the courage to be reborn after pain
Since 2020, at Agos, D&I topics have been shared with everyone in the organization, and over time, on the issue of gender-based violence, we have had the opportunity to meet many remarkable people. For example, last year Dr. Kustermann from Cascina Rinascita was a guest speaker at one of our webinars—a valuable collaboration born from the desire to support women who are returning to life and rebuilding it after experiencing violence.
For this reason, several colleagues at Agos have prepared financial education and recruitment training modules for the users of the association SVS donna aiuta donna, to help and advise them on how to write a CV and prepare for a job interview. We have also shared some business plans to help organize the activities of Cascina Rinascita, and everyone who contributed reported meaningful positive feedback and personal enrichment.
On the occasion of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, we want not only to renew our commitment to promoting a culture of respect and fighting any form of gender-based violence and discrimination, and any behavior lacking listening, empathy, and support, but also to go further. Can the children of femicides—where the legislative void is embarrassing—reclaim their own lives, overcome the trauma, and be reborn?
On November 26, during the week dedicated to violence against women, organized by Agos’s D&I program and the ERG for gender equality, we hosted Pasquale Guadagno, the son of a femicide victim and author of the autobiographical book Figli di nessuno. Written with journalist Francesca Barra, it is not only a painful memoir about the tragedy of femicide but above all a hymn to the ability to rise again after being shattered by violence. It is the story of a journey—painful and marked by denial, relapses, awareness, and the long path toward balance. Pasquale’s story, as an orphan of femicide, is a raw and honest testimony of how one can find a new light after falling into the darkest depths. At just fourteen, Pasquale’s life was destroyed by the most devastating loss: his mother, Carmela Cerillo, was killed by his father, who considered her as “his property.” In an instant, Pasquale found himself carrying a double burden: not only the unbearable grief for the loved one he lost, but also the shame and stigma of being the son of the perpetrator.
Society often fails to offer support; instead, it adds judgment. Growing up “suspended between pain, anger, and the need to build a different path” led Pasquale to hide his grief, to deny for years the violence he had endured and witnessed, holding inside himself a vessel of pain that risked imploding. As he himself reflects, for a long time neither he nor his sister Annamaria were “dead that day, but not alive either.” The real turning point—and the start of his rebirth—came years later. It was not a sudden event but a demanding process that forced him to confront a body that “could no longer carry the weight.”
The journey and therapy. After a trip to Macedonia, Pasquale returned and accepted his sister’s help to begin psychotherapy. It was there, ten years later, that the repressed grief and the pain of a lifetime marked by violence finally surfaced. Then self-affirmation. The crucial step was rediscovering his own identity—one not defined by his father’s actions or by the tragedy he suffered. As he states, “The strength of saying no is my bulwark.” Saying no to silence, to unrequested forgiveness, and to the idea that his life should be crushed by the past was the courageous act that freed him.
And then reconciliation with his mother. Recognizing his mother as a victim, no longer a taboo as she had been labeled by the family and social environment, became a personal act of justice that allowed him to honor her and begin again with her “extraordinary memories.” Pasquale’s rebirth takes shape in his active construction of a peaceful future, grounded in the values of love and vitality that were taken from him, and it begins with the opening of a bar in Udine—a powerful symbol. It is the place where Pasquale not only works, but where he brings his vitality; it has been his salvation. It is a space where he gives and receives positive energy, expressing the idea that “people reflect what you give.”
The book also emphasizes the importance of friends and of his partner as “the family you choose.” It is within these relationships—like the deep bond formed with Francesca Barra during the writing of the book—that Pasquale finds a sense of love and acceptance he had never experienced before.
The book closes with a clear message: we cannot change what has happened, but we can “make the most of who we have become.” Figli di nessuno is therefore the story of how an orphan of femicide managed, through years of struggle, to transform pain into a positive and conscious strength. Pasquale Guadagno does not seek pity; he wants to give voice and hope, showing that even after the greatest trauma, it is possible to rise again and flourish. The message shared by the ERG D&I is to start seeing beyond, despite the legal void, despite judgment. To observe the love of a sister who was always there, and the maturity to understand the need for psychological support in order to remove poorly processed memories, full of lies, and begin to rediscover oneself precisely where everything seemed to have come to a tragic end—gradually turning into awareness, clarity, and rebirth.
For us as a society, the responsibility remains to fill the legislative gaps and create a network of concrete support for the orphans of those we were unable to protect. How many times must each of us consciously question ourselves in order to be reborn? If Pasquale is succeeding, we can all succeed too, if we truly desire it.